An Irish night in prison
by WalesHumpsSheep
Summary: North Ireland and Ireland end up in jail and Ireland fumes the entire time. A cellmate decides North is his 'new' wife and Ireland rages even more. Slight Irelandcest is involved so viewer discretion is advised  And this is a Oneshot. Enjoy


"YE GOT US IN BLOODY JAIL AGAIN! I'M GONNA KICK YER ARSE TENFOLD! THEY'RE GONNA HAFF TAE GIVE ME THE FUCKIN' ELECTRIC CHAIR ONCE I'M DONE WITH YA!" Ireland shouted at his younger sibling, pouncing on him before easily pinning him down as North tried to scurry away and repeated apologies over and over. "Sorry is NAE gonna cut it! Noone's gonna bail us out this time! Las' time i saw Scotland he was under the weather, England is in America and i don' want help from tha' bassa. And Wales went on vacation tae get away from us! SPECIFICALLY YA!" He shouted at the other, putting him in a headlock as he did so.

"I'm...Sorry!" He barely squeezed out before Ireland finally released him and he isntinctively began gasping for air. "Dammit North, Ye always get us in deep shite!" He heard his sibling giggle and say something aboot poo which instantly pissed him off once again and pounced on him. "ACT YER AGE FER ONCE, THIS IS BLOODY SERIOUS YA BASSA!" He yelled, starting to choke his brother this time. "Y-Ya ken, this i-is yer fault tae!" North said, finally getting Ireland to release him again and rage more. "HOW IS THIS MA BLOODY FAULT? YER THE ONE WHO RAN OVER THA' LASS!"

"Yer the one who told me tae!" He whined, crossing his arms as he began to rant, though not as bad, at Ireland. "And atleast i didn't assualt the police when we got pulled over! All i did was ask them tae turn on tha' siren thing~ Y'know tha' goes WHEEEE WHOOO WHEE WHOOOOO!" North exclaimed, making every inmate in the room glare towards there way. Ireland quickly covered his brother's mouth, threatening if he did it again he'd cut off his balls and staple ém to his head. A tall, scar covered inmate who's muscles were the size of North's head walked over in an obviously pissed off mood. He grabbed North by the collar and held him up in the air, a grin forming on his face. "You're a loud one Ain' cha?" He said in a hoarse voice.

North shuddered at the man's breath and overall his whole appearance, glancing at Ireland desperately to see if he was gonna save him. To his surprise though, Ireland was leaning back on a cold, brick wall. Watching them with an amused grin on his face. "I-Irelaaaaaaaaand" He whined again, trying to reach him though failing big time. "Ye deserve this" Ireland said harshly, continuing to eye the man who was holding up his brother though. "Looks like i got myself a new wife!" The man covered in scars said, laughing as he licked his lips and began walking away with North in hand.

Ireland's jaw dropped as he stared for a brief moment, appalled by what he had just heard before breaking out in an unrelenting laughter "A DOG IS A BETTER WIFE THAN HIM" He shouted, clutching his stomach as he laughed. "God tha' is so nasty. North of all people" He added, continuing to have a laughing fit. North pouted slightly "Don' be meaaaaaan!" He shouted towards his brother though he definatley didn't want to be this random, scary looking man's wife anytime soon. North flailed as much as he could to get out of the man's grip, but sadly it was uneffective as the man's grasp only tightened.

Once Ireland somehow stopped laughing, he made his way over to the large man, grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down so they were at eye level since the man was inches taller than him. "Yer gonna let go of ma Broth righ' now if ya ken wha' is good fer ya" He said in a threatening tone, piercing the man with his deep forest green eyes. The man chuckled slightly and shook his head "Why should i, Shortie? You don't seem to like him and even if ya did he's mine now." Ireland's eye-twitched before he, without warning, mercilessly kicked the man in his balls forcing him to drop North. "I'M NAE FUCKIN' SHORT! YE WANNA TRY SAYIN' THA' AGAIN? I'LL SEND YA TAE HELL AND BACK. FREE OF CHARGE!" He shouted loudly, punching the man in the face for good measure before spitting on him and walking away, North shortly following.

"Uhhh...Ireland.." North said quietly, making Ireland glance over in his direction. "WHAT DO YA WANT?" He yelled, obviously still pissed off from what just happened. North flinched from how loud he was before continuing to speak "Thanks fer earlier~ Ye saved ma arse literally" His usual smile grew back on his face before he tried to hug Ireland, though he was shoved off almost immediately. After countless more fights and bickering for hours, night time finally arrived before they even realized it. Once they did realize though, Ireland became much much more pissed if it were even possible.

"WE DIDNAE EVEN GET TAE CALL SOMEONE FER HELP! THIS IS ILLEGAL! IF YE DON' LEMME OUT I'M GONNA KICK ALL YER ARSES UNTIL YE CANNAE EVEN STAND UP FOR MONTHS! DO YA HERE ME? MONTHS DAMMIT!" Ireland screamed at the officers who seemed to be aching to sleep. Most only ignored Ireland which just set gasoline to fire and made him blow up even more until one cop finally told him he could call for someone in the morning and left. Ireland calmed down a bit, though still very pissed and sat down. "Dammit..I cannae sleep in a damn trashed cell." He muttered to himself, glancing over to where North was, only to see nothing but an unoccupied space. "Where'd he run off now..." He said lowly, looking around in the cell though some things he couldn't make out since it was too dark inside.

He got up, groaning loudly to emphasize how much he didn't enjoy looking for his stupid brother as he walked around the rather large jail cell that was engulfed with darkness. "North, this is nae time fer playin' hide and seek. If yer screwin' with me i'm givin' Kevin away tae Scotland." He said in a normal tone this time, coughing slightly from the never-ending screaming he did today. He heard a very mediocre whimper come from the back of the jail, Ireland guessed that was his brother and stormed towards one of the corners in the back that was completely covered in darkness. Since Ireland could barely see, he did the only thing he could do at that point, which was throw whoever was in the corner into the damn light and kick there ass if it's his brother.

He latched his arms around the man and threw him with a loud grunt. Whoever the man was, it definately wasn't North unless he gained 100 pounds and took some steroids. Once he threw the man though, someone hugged him tightly from behind, which made him instinctively grab ahold of the other man and flip him before pinning him down roughly "WHAT DO YA THINK YER DOIN'" He shouted at the man he couldn't exactly see perfectly. "It's meeeee, North" He said, sniffling slightly while trying to hug him again. "Why the hell are ya cryin'? Did ya trip on air again?"

North stayed silent and shook his head, pointing towards the man Ireland originally threw a minute ago. Ireland sighed and unpinned his brother, walking over to the other man to pull him in what little light emitted from the jail so he could see the man's face clearly. Once he stared at the man's face for no longer than two seconds he punched him harshly, noticing it was the man from before covered in scars. "WHAT DID YE DO TAE MA BROTH" He shouted at the man who was having a bit of difficulty fighting back or atleast trying to. "If ye savior yer 'manhood' yer gonna tell me what ya did..or i swear i'll rip off yer damn balls and shove them down yer damn throat."

The man covered in scars didn't listen though and instead swung a punch towards Ireland. Though he blocked, Ireland could feel himself being pushed by the force and strength of the hit. "THA' ALL YA GOT! Ye want tae fight, Lad? I'll give ya a fight!" Ireland shouted, kicking the man right in his vitals again mercilessly when he suddenly noticed something, the man's pants were barely wrapped around his bulky waist. His eye twitched slightly as he finally realized what this man actually 'did' to his younger brother. "Yer really gonna wish ye were dead when i'm done with ya..." Ireland replied in a low tone, a sadistic grin growing widly on his face as he cracked his knuckles and pulled the man into a darker part of the cell.

All that could be heard for a brief 10 minutes at the most was muffling, shouting, and whimpering before Ireland leisurely came back out from the dark, walking back to where North originally was. North was sitting on the ground by this time, leaning on a nearby wall as he hugged his knees and buried his face in them. "Ya ok?" Ireland asked quietly, North nodding slightly in response before moving his head slightly up to glance at his brother. "Ya ken...he didnae rape me, broth" He said which made Ireland full on rage again. "SO YER SAYIN' I KICKED THA' MAN'S ARSE FER NAE REASON! DON' YA THINK YA COULD'VE TOLD ME THIS SOONER!" He shouted at his brother loudly.

"He tried tae...though." North added, instantly making Ireland shut up and stare at his younger sibling as North continued to speak. "Ye saved me jus' in time! Bu'...umm..." he murmured lowly, making Ireland lean in closer so he could hear. "Spit it out" he demanded, glaring at him as he waited impatiently. North shifted uncomfortably, blushing slightly as he avoided eye contact. "W-Well...uhh..I don' ken why bu' i feel kinda weird..."

"Oh god...North...don' tell me..." Ireland leaned in more and roughly grasped the others pants, making North squeak loudly and blush furiously though Ireland didn't seem to notice since it was still very dark. "Did ye seriously get hard from tha' bassa? Yer nasty..." He remarked, finally letting go while wiping off his hand on North's shirt after touching his vitals. "I-It's nae like i wanted this tae happen...Jus' fix it Broth..." He said quietly, shifting uncomfortably once again. "It's called masturbation, Broth. Learn how tae do it." He snapped, Eye-twitching at his brothers idiotic mind. "I dun know how...teach me"

"For the love of..HOW COULD YE NAE KEN HOW TAE DO THA'! ARE YE REALLY THA' STUPID!" He shouted at him, making North in response fidget more and pout. "It's nae like anyone taught me...All i ken is tha' Iggy does it alot" He replied to Ireland who looked like he wanted to gag from the mental image. "Tae much info...really tae much info! God yer hopeless" Ireland commented, leisurely pinning down his younger sibling with one hand, using his other hand to slide his hand swiftly in the other's pants. "Ye tell noone aboot this..Ya got it? Or i swear i'll shove kevin up yer ass!"

North squeaked slightly again by Ireland's unreadable and sudden actions before nodding in agreement, still blushing a storm though thankfully it was unnoticable. Ireland firmly gripped the other's vitals, making North slightly jolt and wiggle a bit. "Will ya stay still! Yer the one who wanted me tae do this!" He shouted, making North smile slightly in response. "Mm, but nae need tae be so rough broooooth! Ye really don' ken how tae be gentle. Even when we were kids y-DON' FINISH THA' SENTENCE" Ireland interrupted, his eye-twitching once again as he squeezed the other man's vitals tighter making North yelp in pain and apologize.

As the siblings continued to bicker, Ireland thought of a brilliant idea and began pumping North feverishly making North in return immediately shut up and moan slightly from the sudden pleasure. "N-Nae fair" He said in between labored breaths as Ireland went faster. "Completely fair!" He said to his younger sibling, continuing to pump at a fast speed before suddenly stopping completely to mess with him. North groaned loudly and looked up at him, shifting uncomfortably "Brooooooooth! Don' stop ya poo!" he whined. "I'M NAE A GODDAMN PIECE OF SHI-"He started but coughed loudly, cursing under his breath. "I blame ya..." He added, rubbing his sore throat slightly as he glared at North.

"Sorryyyyyyy~" The younger sibling replied, making Ireland grunt and pump him again, this time much more slowly. North moaned loudly, shifting again from force of habit as his breathing became audible once again. Ireland took his time and gradually went faster and faster instead of being merciless like before. As Ireland sped up, North instinctively closed his eyes tightly as waves of pleasure striked him, He clenched his teeth slightly feeling a sudden pressure on his vitals like he had to go to the bathroom really bad. "B-Broth stop...i gotta peeeee" He whined again, making Ireland's rage level sky rocket once again. "Don' ya ken anythin'! Tha' is nae piss tha' is aboot tae come out...god...i hate ya."

"N-Nnnghh..." North bit his lip, not listening to his brother at all as he finally couldn't hold it in and came right on Ireland's hand. Ireland froze, glaring down at his brother before letting go of any vitals whatsoever so he could see his hand. North laughed nervously at his brother's expression, trying to back up a bit though he was exhausted. "S-Sorry Broth" He said quietly, a smile he couldn't help hide dancing at his lips as Ireland's expression changed from full-on angry to full-on traumatized. "It's nae like we've never done this before Bro-" He began but was quickly interrupted by a punch to the face. "I'LL KILL YA" He shouted, wiping all the excess substance on his hand all over North's face as revenge. "God tha'is fuckin' nasty." He added, wishing he could wash his hands at this moment but he was too busy locked up in a cell.

After Ireland almost beat poor North to death he finally fell into a deep slumber luckily for the younger sibling. North pouted, rubbing the fully formed bump on his head as he watched Ireland sleep. He really did seem peaceful and non-violent when he was atleast sleeping. North smiled slightly, deciding to take advantage of him a bit he leaned down and kissed his sleeping brother on the lips before giving him a tight hug since it was a perfect opportunity to finally get one from his older sibling. "Night Broth" He said softly with a smile before sleeping next to him, somehow tolerating the Irishman's loud snoring.

Once the sun began to rise though, Ireland was already up and shouting making the cellmates around them curse and groan. Ireland didn't seem to notice though as he finally got what he wanted, a phonecall to get help from his family. He reached the phone and dialed Scotland's number, doubting he'd still be sick and even if he was he knew for a fact he'd bail them out. He waited impatiently as the phone rang, tapping his foot repeatedly as Scotland finally answered the phone after the 6th ring. "I'm busy" Scotland merely said before he hung up on the Irishman.

Ireland fumed with anger, calling him once again while glaring at any officer who even dared look at him let alone say he only had one phonecall. Scotland reluctantly picked up the phone again, a deep sigh could be heard from him before he asked what the jail wanted with him. "IT'S ME YA NINNY. North got us stuck in jail, i need ya tae bail us out" He said loudly, eye-twitching as he waited for Scotland to say something. "I can' i'm sick" The Scotsman said, grinning though Ireland obviously couldn't see that. "YE SOUND FINE!" He shouted, wanting to throw the phone but somehow restraining himself. A deep sigh left the Scotsman's lips again before he finally gave in, for a price atleast. "Buy me a few bottles of Whiskey and ye got yerself a deal" He replied which Ireland had no choice but to agree on, smashing the phone finally before walking back into the damn cell to wait for the Scotsman. Alas, Scotland waited till it was the end of the day to pick them up, Making Ireland seriously pissed and on the verge of murder but nonetheless bailing them out.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope you enjoyed this fanfic as much as I enjoyed writing it~ The accent i used for both the Ireland's is rather simple so if you don't understand just let me know.**

** Also 'Kevin' who Ireland brings up in the story twice is actually one of Ireland's and North Ireland's leprechaun's. Though Kevin has grown more fond of North and are pretty close. Ireland also mentions giving him away to Scotland since Scotland doesn't exactly like Kevin or any leprechauns in general. Leprechauns are sneaky little things, I don't like them either. I'll probably right a fanfic on it one of these days...**

**Anyways, Review and favorite please~**


End file.
